Perspective, Continued

This is an email my brother-in-law, Scott, sent to his community group about the evnts of this weekend:

All,
Well, as some of you know by now, we had quite an event Saturday night at my graduation celebration. Beth's Aunt, Teresa Pense, passed away in our bathroom, in front of our very eyes. The details are all sketchy to me right now, as it still seems so unbelievable and very surreal. For those of you who may not know, I will summarize what happened to the best of my ability...please understand my fingers are shaking and my eyes are watery as I type this.

I couldn't begin to tell you what time all of this started, but Beth's mom had gone to the computer room to get a camera, where she found Brad changing Luke's diaper. As she turned around to come back to the living room, Teresa, who had been in the bathroom for an unknown amount of time, suddenly opened the door and said "Debbie, help me, I'm choking." I was on the couch with Beth, when I heard Debbie and David (Beth's dad) yelling for help. When I got there, they said she was choking on a marshmallow. Her face was already pale, and she was unresponsive. I yelled for them to call 911 if they hadn't already, and began performing the Heimlich maneuver. T

eresa, God rest her soul, had suffered from several illnesses, and she was a large woman, which may have hindered my ability to get the marshmallow out of her. I was able to squeeze about 2-3 times before she collapsed onto the bathroom floor, at which point Brad entered the bathroom and began helping too. We tried to sit her up enough for Brad to get behind her, and he gave every bit of effort he had into trying to force the marshmallow out of her throat. Beth was on the phone with the 911 operator, and she repeated the operator's commands for us. We laid her flat on her back, and Brad pushed on her stomach to continue trying to get the marshmallow out. At some point, we gave up and began trying to give CPR, with myself giving the mouth-to-mouth and Brad giving the chest compressions. We continued this until the fire department and paramedics arrived, and at this point they took over. They worked on her for what seemed like an hour or so, but in the end, they were unable to revive her. Teresa leaves behind her husband of (about) 15 years, John Henry Pense, and a step-daughter, Rachel Pense, who is physically and mentally handicapped, as well as two sons and grandkids of her own.

The EMTs told us much later that they believed she had a heart attack, and so we're still uncertain as to what really happened. The fact that she spoke and asked for help doesn't fit well with choking, as any of you who have ever choked know it's pretty much impossible to talk. Also, when the EMTs got there, they put an EKG on her and she had no heartbeat. I know that your heart will not stop beating that quickly if you were unable to breathe, but it defintely could if you had a sudden massive heart attack. So, we're really not sure what really happened, and we never will be, because the medical examiner decided not to do an autopsy after he said he was going to, and instead just ruled her death as due to asphyxiation. This is hard for Beth and I, as we both were hoping we could have some closure if we knew she died from a heart attack. We both feel guilty, even though we know we shouldn't. I feel like I failed as a health care provider, even though I am certified in CPR and adult first aid, because I couldn't get that marshmallow out of her, if that's what really happened. In any event, this is really tough for both of us, as you can imagine.

In all of the terror and chaos that was going on, I would also like to comment on some things that were incredible in their own right. First, all of our family is so grateful that we had community group members there. Beth's dad told his brother that you all were there, and that you were all praying as the situation took place. This meant A LOT to John, because while they both lived hard lives in the past, they had become Christians, and Faith was and is a huge part of their lives. We don't know why, but we understand that God decided it was Teresa's time to come home, and we were all so glad He waited until she was in a warm home surrounded by many people who love her, and who love God as well. As I was trying to do the Heimlich, I could hear Brad praying out loud for God to breathe air and life into her, and as panicked and mortified as I was, it brought peace and calm to me. When the paramedics got there and took over, again Brad prayed out loud for the group, and Beth has said many times that she felt so comforted at that moment, and that she could not have made it through this otherwise. Without our asking for help, you guys all sprung to action, helping clean up our house and offering to stay if we wanted to follow the ambulance to the hospital. These kinds of acts of compassion and love are what having a community group is about (besides Bible study, of course). I kept thinking of the verse that says "wherever two or more congegrate in My name, I too am there.." or something to that effect, and so I knew that God was in charge and that His presence was there.

Beth and I cannot thank you enough, Brad and Amber, Ben and Rachel, Nathan and Amy, for your support during that time and afterwards. As I keep struggling with what else I could have done or what I could have done better, I also am struggling with the question of "what if I wasn't supposed to be able to save her?" What if this was all God's plan, and no matter what I or any of us did, she was going home that night. I don't know. I don't have that answer. I have to stop now, but maybe we can talk about it at community group. I think Beth and I both still have a lot more talking we need to do in order to help us cope.Thank you all again so much, we really were so glad you were there. Your love and support were felt not just by us but by everyone else who was there. My parents were so impressed with how helpful and compassionate you all are. Beth and I already knew.

We love you guys,
Beth and Scott