So... last night, I joined Weight Watchers with my friend Susan. If she hadn't suggested it, I'm sure I would've never done it on my own, but she did and I am. Because I have gotten fat. We are also joining the Y together.
I'm sure I've blogged about this before, but I blame my long battle with weight issues mostly on one of my dearest loves: dance. When I was a young teenager, I battled with anorexia, but was able to get it mostly under control. Then I went to good old OCU, which I also love, but I credit certain members of the faculty for pushing me over the edge. See, when I started as a freshman, I was a teeny-tiny thing, absolutely terrified of gaining weight and most definitely under-weight. During my first Christmas show, I shared costumes with the most anorexic girl of the freshman class, and I was proud. Sick huh?
I never got a single note about my weight until my senior year when I had the audacity to gain a few pounds. At 5'7 and 135 lbs, they informed me that I was too fat for Company. My very last semester. So, I thought to myself, screw them, and I didn't attend a single mandatory weigh-in again. I ignored them. I'm actually kind of proud of myself for bucking the system in that manner, because the whole time I was there, I did every little thing right.
But then, I stopped weighing myself altogether and got depressed about things, and got fat. But you know, fat is all relative to me now, because I was actually a size 12, which is not morbidly obese or anything. I was able to lose some weight for my wedding, and was really pleased with how I looked that day. But, as soon as the honeymoon began, I tossed all that out the window. And here I am, almost two years later, worse off than when I began.
I hate being in pictures now, because all I can see are my chubby cheeks. I love my big boobies (and so does my husband), and I'm going to miss them when I lose weight, but I want to be able to look at a picture of myself without cringing. So, I'm trying again. I know there is a healthy, balanced woman inside of me who doesn't have to hide from the scale and the camera.
Wish me luck, please. :)
7 comments:
Hey sis, you'll do great. It worked for me and Mom. I love you no matter how you look!
Oh, lovely. You are so beautiful, whatever size or weight you are. I hope you know that.
Highsteppers really screwed us up, didn't it. I will live in mortal fear of gaining weight my whole life.
I'll never forget when I went to see my surgeon for the follow-up appointment after my appendectomy. I have three scars because it was done laproscopically (sp?), and he asked if I had any questions, so I asked, "If I ever gain weight, will these scars pucker?" He looked at me as if I was out of my mind, shook his head, and said, no, they shouldn't pucker. Good news is, I haven't had to find out if he was right. Yet.
GOOD LUCK! Loves.
Deb, You will do great!! I am right there with you, again. I, too, am working very hard to lose the pounds I have gained back.
You are precious. Praying for you.
You are beautiful and I love you and I wish you luck! :)
Hey beautiful. Just wanted to let you know that you are just as gorgeous of a woman on the outside as on the inside. I do however feel your pain. I've been there many times before and have FINALLY been able to find the balance in my own life. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Love you dearly and miss you lots!
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