Hey Baby

No word of a lie, I am feeling some baby yearning. Maybe this is because I kind of thought I might be pregnant, even though we aren't trying. Or maybe it's because every woman I know is pregnant. That's not really true, but it seems that way right now.

This is weird because I think deep down that if I was pregnant right now, by accident, I would be stressed out. I would feel worried about not performing well in my new job, not having enough sick time banked, not having enough money saved, etc, etc. Also, Bryan and I really want to take some sort of special vacation together before we have kids, and we wouldn't be able to do that if I was already pregnant.

And yet. There's that feeling of wanting.

On the other hand, I'm trying to make a point of enjoying being married without children right now and not wishing away this season in my life. Let's be honest, this season is fun! I can take naps whenever I want. Bryan and I can spontaneously go on a date. I can spend three hours reading a book undisturbed. I can focus all my attention on my marriage and cultivating trust, intimacy and romance. The only things that depend on me to take care of them are my dogs, and they spend the day by themselves and come to no harm. And they go in a crate when they're naughty. Not an appropriate discipline plan for a baby.

So, what do I do with these contradictory and strong feelings? I'm praying about it. Praying that God will move us to start a family and bless us with a baby of our own when He sees fit. That we won't cling to a rigid plan for our life that has no room for His will. And that I would be patient. Patient to wait for His timing, whatever it may be.