Well, it's August. The oppressive heat continues, and life is picking up with start-up activities at the University. Football season is approaching, which makes my favorite guy quite happy. Bryan signed up to join an organization that supplies referees for all of the football games in the city, so he's going to be busy officiating games several times a week.

This summer, as I quietly recovered at home, I kept thinking that I should be back to normal by August. I pictured myself rejoining in my serving activities at church, picking up an exercise plan and becoming very active in Junior League. When I started experiencing severe pelvic pain after I tried to re-enter work and activities and LIFE, though, I knew my healing wasn't going quite according to plan. I kept this to myself for a few days, brooding over my fear. Finally, I broke down and told Bryan. I cried and we prayed and I called my doctor.

It appears that while the big surgery addressed my kidney-related problems, such as back and flank pain, hydronephrosis, etc., it did NOT improve my lower urinary-tract related problems such as bladder spasms and chronic pelvic pain. This was a big fear of mine and something my doctor warned me against.

Now, after a very long process of elimination, my doctor has diagnosed me with Painful Bladder Syndrome/Interstitial Cystitis. Starting today, we are trying a new drug that helps some patients with this condition, but it takes about three months to start working.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't initially devastated by this. To have gone through everything I've been through and STILL be in chronic pain is pretty heart breaking. It's also really difficult to disappoint my friends and loved ones who have been praying for me and walking through this with me. The people-pleaser in me wants to tell everyone that I'm well and no longer in pain, but it's just not true.

With all that being said, I still have hope, first and foremost because of my Savior. This week, I have felt God's presence so strongly, telling me not to lose my faith and to just keep holding on a little longer. That He loves me so much and He knows how much it hurts. That He put specific people in my life to help me walk this difficult path. Because of all this, I believe that I am going to get better soon.

I also have hope because of my fantastic doctor. She told me that she believes that we're going to get this under control, even if it takes awhile. That we'll keep trying new treatments until we find the right one. That it is perfectly normal to be anxious and exhausted at this point. She even told me she was sorry it had been such a difficult road. That may sound like the type of things any competent and compassionate doctor should say, but you have to remember that my previous urologist actually looked me in the eyes and told me there was no reason for me to still be in pain and that I should just try to "tough this out." Ugh.

So, that's where I am today. Thursday, August 4th. Looking at the future with hope and trusting that this season of my life isn't going to last forever.