Time for the monthly blog post! School started at work yesterday and I was amused by all the bewildered college students wandering around campus. Hard to believe that it's been eleven years since I made the big leap to Oklahoma City as a freshman dance management major. I remember that I lost my purse the second day of school and it had my ID in it so I couldn't eat dinner in the Caf. I'm sure there were lots of tears and calls home. My big sis Jennifer drove up from Norman with some food and extra money for me. I found the purse a couple days later and balance was restored to my little universe. It's so funny to remember those days now.

So, this month I started meeting with a new physical therapist, a pain management doctor and a counselor. I have waived the white flag, so to speak, admitting that I need some help and support to continue dealing with my chronic pain and the complex problems with my health. My urogynecologist now thinks I have neuralgia of some of the pelvic nerves, in other words, some nerves in my pelvis are entrapped or compressed and that is contributing to my chronic pelvic pain. The cause could be either scarring from my surgeries or muscle tightness from pain. Either way, the pain is debilitating and I feel like this is a major setback to the progress I've made this year.

We are, of course, starting with the most basic treatments which include steroid injections, physical therapy, treatment with two different TENS-units and medication to decrease nerve pain. I have, on average, three doctor's appointments a week. If these current measures don't work, the next step is nerve blocks or ablation of the nerves, both complex procedures with mixed results.

I feel like I have gotten stuck in survival mode again, barely enduring the work day and making it home to collapse on the couch in a muscle-relaxer induced fog. Weekends are spent recovering and gearing up emotionally for the upcoming week. Right now, I am trying to determine how long to stay on this hamster wheel before admitting that this is not working and I need to make a change to get better.

In past low moments, I have felt God urging me to hold on and keep trusting Him to get me through the worst of it. This time, though, I feel like He is pushing me towards rest for my body and spirit. I am facing some very difficult decisions about my future and I sure would appreciate the prayers of my family and friends.

See you again in September!